


Shades of Gray

by a_mere_trifle



Series: Fade to Black [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alt-timeline, Angst and Humor, Mind Games, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mere_trifle/pseuds/a_mere_trifle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the meme prompt: Dave makes the mistake of falling asleep and wakes up to find Rose has stolen his glasses for purely scientific purposes, of course. He has to resort to some pretty desperate (and surprising) methods to get them back.</p><p>Oh, and also it's original-doomed-timeline, and borderline Dave/Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shades of Gray

**Author's Note:**

> http://captchalogue.livejournal.com/1365.html?thread=941397#t941397
> 
> Rose/Dave
> 
> Dave makes the mistake of falling asleep and wakes up to find Rose has stolen his glasses for purely scientific purposes, of course. He has to resort to some pretty desperate (and surprising) methods to get them back.
> 
> Am I the only person who still ships this? I feel alone.
> 
> \--
> 
> i admit it, dave/rose still has a place in my heart too. so, uh, have some doomed-timeline fluffangstcrack that vaguely resembles what you asked for. (obvanon is obvious XD)

\--

TG: lalonde  
TG: imagine hitler  
TG: just come back from tea with satan  
TG: scones baked over the gas chambers  
TG: tea of orphans tears  
TG: and hes banging your mom  
TG: imagine him looking up  
TG: looking at what you just did  
TG: and hes all  
TG: dick move kid  
TG: dick fucking move   
TT: My, this is hyperbolic, even for you.  
TT: I knew you would be sensitive about it, but this...   
TG: sensitive you stole my fucking shades  
TG: my eyes are whats sensitive here  
TG: why the fuck would you steal my shades   
TT: "fuck no im not looking", you said.  
TT: "calsprite is unimaginable eldritch horrorterror enough for me", you said.  
TT: "make me lalonde", you said.   
TG: oh gog fucking dammit   
TT: You must admit you left me little choice.   
TG: so thats what this is about  
TG: me listening to the songs of your unimaginable monstrosities   
TT: I could have played nonstop Justin Bieber at you to give you a sense of perspective, but this seemed less cruel.   
TG: also you cant hack into my shit   
TT: Furthermore, I cannot hack into your shit.   
TG: stop agreeing with me dont play reasonable here  
TG: this shit is not reasonable  
TG: not even fucking close   
TT: What are you so afraid of seeing?   
TG: what the fuck now youre getting freudian  
TG: lalonde if you werent the last person on earth  
TG: and i mean literally  
TG: i would kick your ass into next thursday  
TG: and then kick you back  
TG: till you were bouncing all around next week as much as i am  
TG: or was or will be  
TG: fuck verbs   
TT: English verb tenses have long been recognized as inadequate to describe your situation, yes.   
TG: i want my shades back lalonde  
TG: give them back and this ends here   
TT: And if I don't?   
TG: then i unleash the full force of my wrath right on your misshapen house lalonde  
TG: sick fires of vengeance turning your life into an inferno  
TG: make lolar look like lohac  
TG: and lohac look like  
TG: whatever it wouldve been called  
TG: fires so terminally ill they drop dead in a nanosecond  
TG: only to be replaced by more in a neverending holocaust  
TG: in short lalonde  
TG: i will wreck your shit  
TG: can i have my fucking shades back now   
TT: But you make it sound so entertaining.   
TG: jegus fuck fine  
TG: have it your way  
TG: its fucking war   
TT: I look forward to seeing your first move.  
TT: Oh, wait.  
TT: That was yesterday.  
TT: I do apologize for my terribly rough means of hastening your departure.   
\--future turntechGodhead has entered the conversation--   
TG: i fucking hate you   
\--future turntechGodhead has disconnected--   
TT: I suppose I should take that as a refusal of my apology.   
TG: oh gogdammit to hell  
TG: way to go genius future me  
TG: how could i do anything so stupid  
TG: unless it was   
TT: A distaction?   
TG: a DISTACTION  
TG: oh gog DAMN lalonde  
TG: fuck it well see   
\--turntechGodhead has disconnected-

\--

TT: The sky is so pretty tonight.  
TT: I don't believe I have ever seen such a lovely sunset.   
TG: oh come on   
TT: Really! It shades all the way from red to indigo.  
TT: It's quite marvellous.  
TT: Thank you.   
TG: i did not set your oceans on fire so you could have a pretty fucking sunset and you know it   
TT: Quite clever of you to realize an oil slick on the surface would be flammable.  
TT: However, it is still water underneath.  
TT: Additionally, I am magic.   
TG: fine  
TG: i didnt want to do this  
TG: but its time   
TT: Oh, this should be good.   
TG: once upon a time there was a nerd named joe zazzer pam   
TT: What.   
TG: he was the nerdiest fucking kid you ever laid eyes on  
TG: zero chance of interaction with anyone with one X chromosome much less two  
TG: maybe 3 or 4 but i doubt it   
TT: Oh my god.   
TG: oh no when will i ever find someone to like me he wailed  
TG: for i have a pure heart and could be an awesome catch if only i combed my hair   
TT: Stop this travesty.   
TG: so one day he was going to school dreading the atomic wedgie that lay inevitably in his future   
TT: I NOTICE THAT STYLISTIC FLOURISH STRIDER   
TG: when across the way he saw the most glorious creature he had ever laid eyes on omg   
TT: You're NOT.  
TT: Also, redundancy, Strider!   
TG: it was joe frigglish the star mathelete   
TT: You have clearly not ever read even a word of the books.   
TG: damn right i havent  
TG: anyway this was clearly destiny since they were both named joe   
TT: Have you ever even read a "slash" pastiche?   
TG: i dont even know what the fuck that is  
TG: nice try lalonde  
TG: joes smoldering eyes met his and pam knew this was meant to be  
TG: and then the jocks strung him up the flagpole by his boxer shorts cause he was named pam  
TG: they had little hearts and wands on them  
TG: the whole school pointed and laughed at this flagrant display of homosexuality and pure lame  
TG: except for joe frigglish   
TT: Oh, god.  
TT: Have you been reading Twific, Strider?   
TG: manfully joe leapt up and bit the flagpole rope in half with his perfect pearly whites  
TG: and caught pam just before he hit the ground   
TT: Oh my God, you're not denying it.   
TG: pam looked up at his savior breathless  
TG: at his perfect lips and sparkly violet eyes   
TT: Ah HA!   
TG: oh my hero you have saved me said pam  
TG: we can go out if you are less lame said joe  
TG: now go away im brooding  
TG: pam stared after him and knew he must heal the pain in joes wounded heart   
TT: Seriously, Strider. What in the name of all that is unholy have you been reading?   
TG: i want my shades back   
TT: An admirable effort, Strider.  
TT: However, you made four miscalculations.  
TT: One: You presumed that I had not built up an immunity to badfic over time.  
TT: We have a name for it, Strider.  
TT: It is much like building an immunity to iocaine powder.   
TG: oh shut up that was complete horseshit  
TG: undiluted crap with a side order of pain   
TT: Two: You forgot that nearly every sin is forgivable if if it committed in the name of irony.  
TT: And the day that Dave Strider ceases to be ironic is...  
TT: I was going to say that it was the day he was dead, but that seemed both needlessly morbid and likely to be untrue.  
TT: You will definitely die ironically.   
TG: probably multiple times too   
TT: Three: You have finally revealed to me that you have read my private journals.  
TT: Thus earning my genuine wrath.   
TG: your genuine wrath  
TG: man im a fucking katrina of hate here  
TG: hurricane of fury the size of the great red spot  
TG: engulfing fucking planets   
TT: Four: I know forbidden secrets that could rip your mind apart.  
TT: Don't make me unleash them.   
TG: great more horrorterrors fucking fantastic  
TG: bring it on   
TT: Don't say I didn't warn you.  
TT: http://outerarchiveofourown.eth/archives/314326127314/www.puppet-pals.com/works/fists_of_love.htm   
TG: what the hell youve got internet archives   
TT: Don't read it, Strider.  
TT: I genuinely fear for your sanity should the existence of this work make itself known to you.   
TG: oh come on whats the worst it could   
TT: Strider?  
TT: Strider, I warned you.  
TT: Strider...   
TG: what  
TG: the  
TG: fuck  
TG: HOW DID THEY KNOW ABOUT CAL  
TG: STOP LAUGHING YOU BRAINLESS FEATHERY MONSTROSITY  
TG: HOW THE FUCK DID THEY KNOW   
TT: You're not saying... it's true?   
TG: GOD DAMN IT NO I AM NOT IT IS NOT IN ANY WAY TRUE  
TG: what the fuck does he haunt the nightmares of freaks the world over or something  
TG: oh my god he does doesnt he   
TT: I would imagine your brother brought him to a convention at some point, whereupon pictures were taken of the two of them.  
TT: And your brother is... quite a figure in his industry.   
TG: oh my god  
TG: someone wrote  
TG: that he and  
TG: its not even a real fake tooth hes a fucking puppet i  
TG: NO NO NOT A FUCKING PUPPET I  
TG: i  
TG: im gonna go kill some things  
TG: a lot of things  
TG: and then we will never speak of this again   
TT: Two days' truce?   
TG: sounds about right   
\--turntechGodhead has disconnected--

\--

TG: ok i am still shadeless  
TG: despite the number of brainbreakingly horrible things i have been subjected to over the past week  
TG: after what was already a pretty shitty month may i remind you  
TG: i mean not totally rainbows and unicorns  
TG: world ended once or twice but hey thats neither here nor there   
TT: Correct usage of "nor". You are quite the charmer.   
TG: shut up  
TG: anyway you have brought me to this lalonde  
TG: you have brought me to this and you should be ashamed   
TT: I eagerly await your no doubt staggering depravity.   
\--turntechGodhead has sent tentacleTherapist the file hostage.jpg--   
TT: ...  
TT: You didn't.  
TT: You couldn't have.  
TT: He's sitting right here.   
TG: she says to the knight of time   
TT: You wouldn't!   
TG: oh yeah you go on and tell me what i would and wouldnt do you know so much  
TG: you go on and tell me im not capable  
TG: ive been killing a whole lot of things lately  
TG: seen a whole lot of things im way more attached to die  
TG: tell me i wont do it   
TT: You won't do it.   
TG: goddammit lalonde yes i will  
TG: cant go anywhere without getting blinded  
TG: and you know those are special  
TG: you fucking know  
TG: so if youre gonna go all psycho bitch on me and not give them back  
TG: maybe im gonna go all psycho too   
TT: Meow you wouldnt :(   
TG: LALONDE  
TG: NOT COOL LALONDE   
TT: Shes only trying to help you really!   
TG: how  
TG: is  
TG: this  
TG: helping   
TT: She worries about you and i do too!  
TT: I havent known you very long but i like you a whole lot!  
TT: And i know mutie does too :3  
TT: I bet he is purring and playing with that thing you people put on the string near all the boxes!   
TG: cat stop playing with my fucking mouse  
TG: stop it  
TG: oh god damn stop licking me you smell like tuna   
TT: He really likes you and your place is so exciting and different!  
TT: It is a fun adventure and he isnt scared at all because he knows you wont hurt him.  
TT: Youll keep him safe even. Just like youd keep any of us safe! :3  
TT: Except maybe that orange thing he is scary.   
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck  
TG: this is cheating   
TT: Yes, Strider, that's kind of my "thing" now.  
TT: Hadn't you noticed?   
TG: why the fuck are you doing this  
TG: why cant i have my shades back   
TT: You can.   
TG: what how   
TT: You know what you need to do.   
TG: what no i fucking dont  
TG: if i knew what i needed to do id have fucking done it already jesus   
TT: You need to come over here, and you need to ask for them nicely.   
TG: what  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: thats it   
TT: Did you ever ask?   
TG: yes i fucking did  
TG: i asked very nicely goddammit   
TT: But not in person.   
TG: you know i dont give a shit anymore  
TG: fine  
TG: fine  
TG: you win  
TG: ill play along with whatever the fuck sick twisted scheme this is  
TG: there in a few   
\--turntechGodhead has disconnected--   
TT: Thank you.

\--

"All right, what the fuck will it be," said Strider, glaring at her with those terribly curious red eyes. Not just the irises; his eyes were bloodshot, the skin around them flushed and raw. "Am I gonna have to grovel? Beg and plead? Kiss your fucking feet?"

"It's impolite to bring a drawn sword into a lady's house," she pointed out.

Strider visibly stifled a scream, returning the sword to his sylladex with considerable force. "Happy? So what else am I gonna have to do?"

"Nothing," said Rose.

"What?"

"Just stand there, and do nothing."

Strider shook his head, foot tapping impatiently, jittery. "What the fuck, how does that even--"

"Shh. Stand there, and do nothing."

He opened his mouth again, and closed it at her glare. "Fine," he muttered, and folded his arms.

Rose counted the seconds, on an internal wager with herself. Ten seconds. Twenty. At thirty, his arms started to unfold, just a little.

"Look--"

" _Shh_ ," she insisted, and he closed his mouth again, glaring murder at her.

At sixty, his face started to twitch, just a little, away from its mask. He almost spoke up again, but she had him in a competition, now, and he wasn't going to let himself lose.

At eighty, he started to pace; "I said _nothing_ ," she reminded him, and he subsided with an audible hiss.

"I don't have _time_ for--"

"Shh!"

He closed his eyes, foot tapping, which she was tempted to disallow but let him have, even though it might drag this out yet further. Ninety seconds; one hundred, and the foot-tapping started to slow, his eyes squeezing shut tighter.

At one hundred and thirty, he fell to his knees, which appeared to catch him completely by surprise.

She shook her head; silly, idiot boy. "You can't run away from it forever," she said. "You can't _run_ forever. I know we've got a lot to do. So very much to do. But you've got to rest."

"You're fucking shitting me," said Dave, voice more than a little strangled. "That's what this was about? This whole goddamn thing?!"

"Would anything less drastic have succeeded? You are amazingly determined." Rose knelt down, pulling the glasses from her pocket, safe and sound. "I know it hurts. I know it's easier not to deal with it. Perhaps we can't deal with it; we may not be afforded that chance. But you can't keep going at this pace. You can't. Don't think I don't know what you've been doing."

Dave stared at her; Rose slipped the glasses onto his face, pushing his hair back behind his ears.

"Dave," she said. "I can't make it through this without you. So _rest_."

"...I'm fine," he said, voice already starting to blur with sleepiness.

"Dave, don't _make_ me tuck you in."

"...Fuck it, whatever, have it your way," Dave muttered, and curled up into a ball.

Rose rolled her eyes. "We have perfectly servicable furniture, you know."

"Nmph."

Rose sighed, getting up to find a blanket. There was an analysis in this, of why precisely he would choose the floor right now when multiple more comfortable alternatives were close enough at hand, but-- she was getting exhausted herself.

It wouldn't go on much longer. That ought to be comforting, if double-edged, on the whole.

And yet-- utterly irredeemable as this timeline was, there were things she could swear she was going to miss.

\--

When she woke up, he was gone; but so was the breakfast she'd captchalogued for him, which indicated that this was the first unalloyed victory she had attained in quite some time. She checked for messages, as she did reflexively by now, every time she awoke; she feared waking up to find herself alone. He had been, for a day or two, while she was still trying to wake up, and she still shuddered remorsefully at the thought of it.

TG: so i still dont know what the fuck that was  
TG: or why you did that  
TG: or why it took so goddamn long  
TG: or why you couldnt have just said something like a normal person  
TG: except youre not a normal person duh thats one of the dumbest things ive said this week  
TG: but  
TG: thanks  
TG: even if it was stupid and i didnt need to waste any more time and this is all not gonna have happened in a couple weeks  
TG: thanks  
TG: anyway were gonna clear out another half a level or so of lohac  
TG: ill bring him back soon

Rose looked around in alarm, and realized, for the first time, that Mutie was still missing. Damn it, Strider knew she didn't like him going somewhere so dangerous...! Was he really serious?

TG: couple days  
TG: maybe a week but lets be nice itll be a week my time  
TG: im magnanimous and shit  
TG: fucking courtly up in here  
TG: anyway you guys have fun  
TG: see you in a few

"You guys?" Rose murmured, with a sinking feeling.

"Hee hee hee..."

Rose's head whipped upward. Calsprite was floating around the ceiling, staring down at her, teeth chattering in his mindless laughter.

TT: STRIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEERRR!!!!

Elsewhere, Dave grinned, scratching Mutie between the ears. Maybe everything came back to a balance after all.

\--


End file.
